Every year, I coerce one of my house plants to cosplay the role of Christmas tree.
At the mere thought, my croton, Codiaeum variegatum, was so horrified it dropped almost all its leaves to avoid consideration. Apparently it never heard of a Festivus pole.
The Pilea peperomioides, who was last year’s imitation tree, complained it was too tired. I didn’t want it to drop its leaves in protest, so I let it rest.
The crown of thorns, Euphorbia milii, volunteered with enthusiasm. “I have needles, just like a pine tree!” No, it has thorns quite unlike a pine tree, and I wear heavy gloves when I need to give it care. Decorating it would not be festive, so I kept looking.
“Pick me!” said the Boston fern, Nephrolepis exalta ‘Fluffy Ruffles’. “Look at my leaves. I’m a fractal Christmas tree!” Well, yes, and the plant is large, too. Although my standards are low, I can’t imagine a fluffy, ferny tree.
The dragon tree, Dracaena reflexa marginata ‘tricolor’, was not enthusiastic. “I am living tinsel,” it said. “My beauty is sufficient unto itself, and ornamentation would obscure my spontaneous splendor.”
That left the lucky bamboo, Dracaena sanderiana, but I’d cut it back to give away stems as gifts to neighbors. However, it has no thorns, no fluff, and it’s the strong, silent, non-complaining type.
So the lucky bamboo is this year’s tree. Happy holidays, and may your home be filled with joy and uncomplicated greenery.
Semiosis 